I have a friend that is currently working on a volunteer project. She is putting in many, many hours as a volunteer to help our former high school celebrate its 100-year anniversary. The small group of volunteers producing this event have done a spectacular job and should be applauded.

In a short time frame, they have reached out and found many grads and engaged us in the celebrations. They are producing a video that showcases some grads doing interesting things in the world. They somehow got funding from a former student, now a successful businessperson, to pay for ads in a large daily newspaper to promote the anniversary celebrations. There are active Facebook events, which include a pub night, a gala and many other activities.

The job they have done is incredible. And yet – each time they announce that they have done something, there are the critics. Who – just for the record – don’t seem to be doing much except watching Facebook and criticizing what these people are doing.

It got me to thinking about criticism and the difference between it being constructive and of value, and when it is of no value – except maybe for making the person giving it feel superior. Constructive criticism has great value. It’s about providing relevant and timely input. It is about making something better. It’s about improving and growing. It’s a crucial component of professional and personal development.

At AHA, we always debrief after a project, initiative or event to look at what we can do better or differently. We look at what worked, and what could be improved – relative to the situation. I can tell you, for as tough as all of us at AHA can be – we are very conscious of how we provide criticism, when that happens and why it happens. We always make sure that we put any criticism into context before the feedback starts.

Random criticism about what someone would have done if they were doing it is of no value to anyone except maybe the ego of the person criticizing. Used as the opportunity to tell someone what you don’t like or what you would have done (which, you didn’t do!) isn’t constructive criticism, it’s just bitching and complaining.

At AHA, our approach is that if you are going to provide feedback that is critical of someone’s work or actions, you need to fully understand the context. For example, what was the deadline, what was the budget, what was the expectation, what was the objective, what were the influencing factors that were out of our control…the list goes on and on.  And, it must include the positives – what went right, what was a success, what can be built on.

Constructive criticism makes everyone involved feel positive about what could be improved. It is delivered in a respectful, considerate manner and it acknowledges not just the context and situation, but the work that was done.

I have to say that I also think that no one should be allowed to randomly criticize volunteers like my friend, who are doing their absolute best, unless the critic is willing to step up and actually participate and get involved. Until you actually do something, you have no idea how hard it is to achieve it.

I have an entire rant about how valuable journalists are to a free and just society and how I believe communicators and journalists actually work in partnership (we don’t always have to agree or even like each other, but we do have work together). The actions of this communicator go against everything I believe you should do in media relations. But that’s not what I am going to talk about today. Today, inspired by this video, I want to go back to some common courtesies of communication. The basics.

I am often amazed (and appalled) at the lack of courtesy and common decency that I see in the world. Seemingly small things like please and thank you. Holding a door so that the person behind you doesn’t get it slammed on them. Responding to an email or phone call in a timely fashion. Showing up on time to meetings and appointments… the list goes on.

In the business world, there are a few things that I think are important when it comes to the basic tenets of good communication. Some of these are basic manners like those your mother taught you, some are plain old common sense, and others are about doing the right thing even when it’s inconvenient.

Be Respectful

View the people around you as colleagues or equals – not underlings.

I have had the opportunity to work with some of the best of the best in journalism and as a communicator. The people who have accomplished the most (and I have to say are the happiest) are the ones who build strong relationships with those around them – not just with those in more senior positions who can help.

In this video, it looks like the communications person thinks the media are not her equals – her lack of respect for them is obvious. If she had seen them as colleagues* and had been respectful of their perspective in this situation, this could have turned out quite differently.

*Don’t get me wrong here; I realize that some relationships with journalists won’t be easy. When we pitch media on behalf of clients, we view the information through the lens of a journalist. We poke holes in the news value, we criticize and critique the information we want to share, and we know it has to meet a certain standard before a journalist is going to be interested in what we have to say. I believe that our society needs journalists. They make my job tougher, but they make me a better communicator. And I believe that when communicators do their job well, some journalists see us a resource – and as a colleague.

Be Truthful

I realize that in the business world, sometimes this can feel challenging. Being truthful doesn’t mean you have to tell all – there are parts of your workday that are confidential and need to be kept that way. If you can’t talk about something, explain that you can’t talk about it at this point because of XYZ. If you made a mistake, come clean. Explain what happened, why it happened and how it will never happen again. I would also hope you would show some concern, compassion and care about what happened. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s when you try to lie your way out of them, or don’t seem to care about the people affected, that it becomes a problem.

Be Considerate

There are little things you do all day long that send out a much bigger message than you realize.

Respond to Emails

When you get an email from a colleague, a client, your agency or even your family – what do you do? Ignore it? Put it aside to answer later? Delete it? Unless you are trying to discourage Cousin Edith from sending you another funny cat video, respond to your emails within 24 hours. Even if that response is just – “I received this and I will get back to you by Friday.” Don’t leave people wondering if you got the email or if you are ignoring them.

Pick Up the Phone

Don’t just email – pick up the phone and talk to people. Emailing, texting and other online communications are great. Don’t forget to call them or, even better, go and see them in person. Nothing replaces in-person contact.

Respect Other People’s Deadlines and Timelines

You aren’t the only person in the world who is under deadline pressure. If you promise something to someone and you can’t meet the deadline, let them know.

Be On Time

Don’t keep people waiting. That sends a message that you think their time isn’t as valuable as yours. Show up on time.

Be Present

If you are meeting with someone, don’t keep checking your smartphone for emails or texts – unless you have an issue or crisis happening. If that’s the case, apologize and explain you have an issue or crisis.

Say please and thank you.
It seems simple, but acknowledging the efforts of others in such a simple way is a big thing.

And Don’t…

Please, please – don’t chew gum like the person in the video. I don’t need to see the gum in your mouth while you are talking.

I would love to hear your ideas of what “little things” make a big impact.

We have an Internet stick that I use when I commute, when I travel, and even if we are out and about on the Sunshine Coast and I might need to do something for a client. My computer and Internet stick are my constant companions. I have spent most of my life travelling for work or for pleasure; and when you run your own agency and are a bit of a control freak like me – when you travel for pleasure, you are often working too.

A few months ago, we realized that our Internet stick was pretty old. It was big and cumbersome and, well, not very pretty. I called it the “Monster” (and not always with affection). The newer model looked sleek and efficient and high tech. It was impressive looking. It was smaller, thinner and prettier. We were asked to upgrade by our service provider. So we upgraded. What a mistake. I miss my big old Monster stick so much.

My Monster stick was solid and reliable. It worked. And I knew I could rely on it. In cold weather and in hot weather – I even spilled coffee on it once and it just kept working. This new one is flimsy. We are on our third stick in a matter of months and I haven’t even spilled anything on it yet! It has factory defects and the design of it is challenging – the main piece snaps off easily if you aren’t careful. It is just a poor piece of equipment. I often cannot get Internet…

The lesson I learned that I think translates well for communicators (and just about anyone) – don’t give up on something that is working now and be lured in by the newest fad, trend or technology without doing your research and understanding what you are giving up relevant to what you are getting. Sure, my new piece looks good – but it doesn’t deliver the reliability of the Monster. In this case, the reliability factor is far more important to me than the style and look of the piece.

When reviewing your communications tools, tactics and technologies and if you decide it is time to change, make sure you are changing for the right reasons and know what you will gain and what you will give up. For example, if you think you might want to stop printing an annual brochure and switch to using Twitter to promote your products, services or organization as a whole, there are some questions to ask yourself before you make that leap. Some of them include:

• What benefits do we currently get from this brochure?
• What benefits would I get from Twitter?
• What am I willing to give up to get these new benefits?
• Do I know for certain that what is being promised is accurate?

And go deep. Don’t make assumptions about what the benefits are – ask your stakeholder group(s) what they think, research what other similar organizations are doing, and identify best and worst practices. Make an informed decision.

Change, even small, always has an element of risk. Make sure you know the risk and do everything you can to mitigate it. The one action I should have done before I switched – Googled: “problem with Bell Internet stick.” That would have influenced my decision.

So for any of you reading this that recognize yourself in the paragraph above—STOP CALLING! (I doubt this will do any good. It’s clear after about seven seconds of a conversation that they not only don’t read the blog, but aren’t clear about what we do here at AHA.)

I answered the phone the other day (everyone at AHA answers the phone, it’s how we roll) and on the other end was someone trying to sell me a listing for AHA in some online database that targets lawyers. We don’t get business from lists; it just doesn’t work that way for us. We build relationships, we showcase our expertise, and we are fortunate to receive referrals from colleagues, clients and even journalists. However, I happened to be in between tasks and had just poured a tea for myself, so I had a minute to “fully experience” this call.

She had a pitch, but it didn’t feel authentic. She kept telling me that she had a “free listing”—but the more I probed, the more I realized that there was some trickery to her approach. She sounded deceitful, which was a red flag, and she wouldn’t answer any of my questions with a direct answer.

Below is an excerpt of our conversation:
AHA: “So, this listing is absolutely free and there won’t be any costs at any point down the line?”
Telemarketer: “Let me tell you a bit about the listing, which would put you in front of thousands of lawyers…”
AHA: “So, to go back to my question: Is there any cost at any time for this listing?”
Telemarketer: “This (mumble, mumble) has no cost; it is a basic listing…”
AHA: “I am sorry I didn’t hear the first part of what you said. Is there any kind of a cost attached to this listing, now or at a later date?”
Telemarketer: “This listing is free during the evaluation phase of 30 days…”
AHA: “So there is a cost.”
Telemarketer: “No, it’s free during the evaluation phrase. Your name will be in front of thousands of lawyers who really need PR.”
AHA: “First off, there is a cost. Secondly, how do you know that these lawyers need PR?”
Telemarketer: “Let me ask you something. Are you or are you not the decision maker there?”

That’s when I realized that I was engaging her and wasting my time (and hers) and politely ended the conversation with: “Yes, I am the decision maker and my decision is to demand that you remove me from your calling list. Thank you.” And I hung up.

It felt like she was trying to con me. I got off the phone and I kind of wanted to take a shower. That interaction felt gross; it was deceitful, predatory and without ethics. Once I let go of my frustration and indignation over this ridiculous call, I realized that there were lessons to be learned from it.

Below are the three lessons a bad telemarketer taught me about communications.

Be Truthful

If there is an issue, a challenge or a cost involved, be upfront about it. Don’t misrepresent and don’t fib; if you do, you are going to be found out. People aren’t stupid, they can tell when someone is trying to pull something over on them and there are a lot of people out there that will check the facts you give them and bust you if you are wrong.

We pitch media and bloggers and reach out on social media networking sites all the time. It is our job to position stories and to highlight benefits, but it is done in an authentic way.

Be Respectful

When the telemarketer asked me: “Are you or are you not the decision maker there?” it was appalling to me. There are a lot of people who are influencers that may not be the final decision maker. Keep in mind that you don’t know the power or influence that a person may wield. Respect everyone.

I realize that time is money and that many sales books say to ask if that person has the authority to make the decision to buy, but it’s more complex than that. If you don’t acknowledge and respect the people on the team, you won’t get anywhere near the decision maker.

Be Authentic

I know that the telemarketer was just doing her job and she had a pre-written script that she was meant to follow. But from a communications perspective, it screams of being inauthentic. I am not saying that you shouldn’t have key points if you are calling media to pitch them or are being interviewed—references and resources are a good thing. But if you are focused on delivering a script like the telemarketer, you don’t really hear the objections or the opportunities; you are too busy trying to stay on script.

Do you have any communications lessons you have learned from bad telemarketers?

Now, I am not sure I would put Della up against Jeopardy genius Ken Jennings—that’s just a different kind of smart (and one that I believe has more to do with memory than anything else). But I have seen Della in a wide range of scenarios—from dealing with an organization facing a huge crisis to sipping a cold beverage at an outdoor patio on a hot summer day—and along with her strategic, steel trap of a mind… There is something else, something special and rare and well, simple, that is the foundation of her style of genius (and her success). She is a relationship builder.

Della recently launched a blog – Della’s Deck. It’s about effective, powerful and authentic communication. And it provides straightforward advice that can be put into action immediately. It is valuable to me from a professional communications perspective, and I get value from it in my personal life. This week, Della wrote about the power of authentic relationships. She also shared a list of questions that you should/could know about the people in your life… I was amazed at how many of them I couldn’t answer about people—clients and friends—who I would say I have particularly close or positive relationships with. I am going to change that.

Authentic relationships are at the heart of communication. And that doesn’t mean that, as a communicator, you need to meet every single person on your media distribution list—although you should know who they are, what they cover for their media outlet or blog, and understand why what you are sending them is of interest to them. That is a relationship. It might be a few steps removed from the kind of relationship where you can call a journalist and ask them to meet you for a coffee, but it is still a respectful relationship.

At AHA, we often have people call us out of the blue and tell us why we should hire them. No relationship building by commenting on this blog or chatting with us on Facebook or Twitter. Their calls are based on what we should know about them. I often wonder how much they know about us—if anything.

We recently had someone become quite persistent about calling to tell us why we should hire the company she works for to produce video for our clients. We asked her if she realized that we have a video crew here at AHA. She hesitated and then said: “But we’re better.”

Really?

Firstly, I don’t think she even checked our site. Secondly, our crew produces brand journalism videos. Had she looked at our site and paid attention to who we really are, she might have said: “Yes, I see you do brand journalism videos. I really liked the one that you did for Vancouver Community College’s Year of Science event. We actually produce a more corporate (or documentary or VH1-like) style. Perhaps we could chat and see if we can be of value to you, for those times when you need a different video style.” That might have gotten my attention. Opportunity lost because she didn’t even try to start an authentic, mutually beneficial relationship with us.

Relationships matter.

It seems pretty straightforward to me what to pitch to us. Which makes us shake our heads in wonder when we get pitches from random PR agencies and independent PR practitioners that have nothing to do with what we write about here. It looks to me like some people just grab any email they can find and send out a news release or pitch, whether it is relevant or not. We suspect they might then go to their clients and say, “We developed a database of 10,000 journalists and bloggers and have reached out to them.” What the client isn’t hearing is that if they are sending useless (and sometimes annoying) information to journalists and bloggers. It’s not good for the organization’s reputation or the agency’s.

We remember who these people are, who the organization is and while I may not have much power or influence in these type of things, I can tell you when we get together with colleagues and friends who are in this field, who are journalists, who are bloggers – the discussion turns to this and we talk about them. And not in a good way.

When someone comes on board as AHA Crew, we ask them how they build their media and blogger lists. What their criteria is, how they define who are the right journalists/bloggers to approach, and how they would approach each media outlet, journalist or blogger. It’s about being strategic, targeted and taking the time to do it right.

So, if you are one of the people pitching us on story ideas that are so off topic that it makes us laugh out loud – please stop. (I doubt this will work because I am sure none of these people take the time to read this blog.)

If you are one of the communicators that care, check out the media outlet, the beat or column, the pieces that the journalist you are pitching focuses on. Read the blogs and subscribe to them. Media/blogger relations is an important component of what we do; take it seriously. Give the journalists and bloggers the respect they deserve. You will get better results.

It seems that a local politician used the images of two children in campaign brochures without getting permission from their parents. As a communicator, when I see issues like this, I wonder how it happened. In this day and age, taking photos of children without the written consent of their parent(s) or legal guardian(s) isn’t a smart move. Using those photos without written consent is a big deal.

It is important to get written consent when you take images – photos or video. And to clearly spell out in the consent form where the images will be used. Depending on what they will be used for, we also often outline how long the images will be used. If you are using real people (as opposed to paid models), they have the right to know how the image will be used – is it for your organization’s website, promotional print materials, will it be shared with media? Clearly define what the images will be used for, get the person’s signature on the consent/release form and live up to this agreement. Don’t use the images for anything other than what the person has agreed to.

According to the news report, the father of the children used in the brochure is unhappy not just because the photos were used, but because the politician appeared dismissive when she called to apologize. Now, I wasn’t on that call, so I have no idea what happened. However, the best piece of advice that I can give here is that if something happens and you use an image without written permission, take the concerns of the person seriously. Acknowledge the issue and their feelings about it. Explain how you will make it right and what you will do to ensure that it never happens again. This is respect in action, and it is at the foundation of reputation management.

Do you have an image release form that you use for photo and video shoots? Have you ever had to deal with an issue like this? I’d love to hear from you.

It was clear to me that this organization either didn’t think about the audience for this request or didn’t care. Trying to better understand the “what’s in it for me,” I went through their request. (There always has to be something in it for the person you are asking to take action.) They wanted to know about social media and how it has impacted what I do, but nowhere did it say that it would share the results. An oversight perhaps… But then I realized I have received emails from this organization before – emails trying to sell me reports. I didn’t take the survey and I asked to be removed from their mailing list.

I receive many emails asking for input on surveys. And I respond to most of them. Especially the ones that offer to share the results. Few of them offer a prize. They do provide an opportunity to actively participate in the community and to learn about what others in the field are thinking and doing. As a communicator, there is value in this for me.

In my opinion, these people didn’t target their audience. They didn’t take the time to research or think about what would drive communicators to take their survey. I am pretty sure an iPod Shuffle didn’t make many people sit up and take notice. And by not offering to share the results, I think they really missed their mark. We share by nature, we’re communicators. It’s in our DNA. They didn’t speak to who we are.

It is crucial to know your audience – to realize what motivates them, inspires them, and engages them. And to do that, sometimes you have to remove yourself from the equation and identify what matters to them.

I realize that this sounds very basic. However, it is a step that gets missed far too often. And by missing this step, you head down the wrong path.